Merlot & Online dating sites… November 29, 2009

… Yeah, everyone knows that’s a mistake.  Actually, as of today, I’m thinking online dating is pretty much a huge mistake in and of itself.  Where have I heard that before?

In a previous post, I wrote about my theory–the 3 reasons people over the age of 30,are single.  Yep, just confirmed another one.  What are you supposed to do when someone you’ve been seeing only a handful of times, accuses you of lying and cheating?… I mean really~!  We’ve all been burned, but trust issues galore with this one.  If I have to listen to one more story (or a repeat) of one of his lying & cheating exes, I’m out!

Bye, bye.  That’s what.  Destined to be single forever.  Suck it up princess…

Primerica : Susan Watt March 19, 2009

Http://www.primerica.com/s_watt/

My work!

Tips… February 16, 2009

I saw this in my Facebook mailbox–a dear friend sent it to me…

Tips for Better Life:
1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did the previous year.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
23. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don’t compare your partner with others.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive everyone for everything.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
28. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
29. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
31. The best is yet to come.
32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
33. Do the right thing!
34. Call your family often.
35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
36. Each day give something good to others.
37. Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
38. Share this with someone you care about

(by Nithya Shanti)

My forever man… November 23, 2008

At the risk of being premature, I think I’ve finally found him!  I’m just stupid with excitement.  I guess falling in love really does knock you for a loop!  I’d forgotten, it’s been so long.

Here’s the rub, we haven’t even met in person yet–I know!  I can hear the collective eye rolling going on, so STOP it!  We’ve been back and forth on email since Nov. 11/08 which incidentally was my parents anniversary… coincidence?  He is working on contract in Scotland right now, and comes ‘home’ to PQ in 4 more weeks–I live in BC.  Do you see a challenge here?!  You bet there is, but it’s just a hurdle and it’s not insurmountable.  We both feel it–like a magnetic force!

<Sigh>  I will write more as the story develops!

Fall has fallen… October 26, 2008

It would appear that summer has officially ended, and with it our sunny warm weather.  I’m not all that sad about it actually.  I love the Fall.  Brisk winds, leaves changing colour, choppy seas….

Kids are back in school, my ex has launched a new harassment campaign, and all is right with the world.

I’ve been fighting back tears lately, over what I could have possibly done that inspires him to want to ruin me–heart, soul, and materially.  I honestly have no idea.  He is so viciously mean that it’s hard to believe I once loved that man.  Almost daily, I battle a mild depression that has me thinking about how my children would thrive after my death… morbid, I know.  I don’t know how else to explain it, other than I know that cancer will one day take my life.  I’m not eager to go through the pain and suffering that might prolong my life, instead I’d rather let it take me swiftly.  

The most painful aspect of this, is knowing that my ex will have ‘won’.  I don’t even know how to explain that statement, so don’t ask me.  He seems convinced that he is a better parent, so after I’m gone, he’d better live up to that claim.  I know my boys won’t forget me, I’m more worried about them having to live with him and his warped sense of values.

The moment has passed… September 1, 2008

Yep, I’ve given up on the ‘online dating’ process.  Seriously.  What was I thinking?  You’d have to go back and read my theory about why people over 30 are single, but all of those qualifiers were personified in my most recent experience!  Sad really.  Don’t read into that anything implied or inferred.  It is as I’ve stated.  I’m not attempting to adopt a holier than thou stance, here, nor am I separating myself from that group of walking wounded, I’m just describing what is.

From a subjective point of view, I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with me?  Am I being too picky? Too selective?  Compared to a lot of my single girlfriends, I don’t see myself as being that critical.  My only requirements are that you must be single (not newly separated, or looking for a triste,) you must live in the Lower Mainland (past experience has shown that the LD relationship doesn’t work,) and you must have a heartbeat.  So, if that’s too picky then I don’t know if it’s even possible to find a new life partner.  I know it won’t happen overnight, that’s for sure, but the online experience attempts to fast track what traditionally took 6 mos. to one yr. or longer to accomplish.  A bit scary really.  AND, if you dare get physical in the first couple dates, then the writing is on the wall just that much sooner.  A good lover, and that’s all the relationship seems to amount to… physical pleasure–they won’t really want to get to know the ‘real’ you.  A bad lover, and you turn tail and run never looking back–on to the next!  I’m sure that in decades past, you learned far more about the person before becoming physical, so that skill as a lover wasn’t so much a deciding factor.  I could be wrong….

Is it possible to meet someone who isn’t in so much of a rush to become intimate?  Someone willing to commit the time necessary to really get to know one another?  I’m losing faith that that someone exists.  I have to wonder what is so fundamentally wrong in my world that rushing the physical intimacy has taught me these hard lessons?  If I’m honest with myself, I’d admit it’s loneliness.  A need to be loved.  Does that sound desperate?

Doesn’t really matter.  I’m regrouping, taking stock, and focusing on my own interests.  Kids are back to school tomorrow, RSP season is coming so there’ll be plenty of work to do, very little time to devote to searching for ‘Mr. Right’.  I’ll miss the chase, the discovery, the passion.  I won’t miss the rejection, the waiting, the disappointment.

I think I’ll join a yoga class….

The Broken Heart–will it ever mend? July 25, 2008

Yet another email threat from the ex today.  For the most part I don’t let his drama intermingle with mine, but he knows my buttons, and gets some sort of perverse satisfaction by pushing them on a regular basis.  Kinda like bubble wrap.  Start popping and you just can’t leave the stuff alone.  I digress…

I can’t say for sure when exactly I knew my heart was broken.  Perhaps when he admitted he loved her, but ‘still loved me’ too.  Perhaps it was after the culmination of a year of waiting…biding my time before the divorce process was to begin.  Or maybe it was after the harrowing 9 mos. which consumed my spirit and ate away any remaining self respect, until that final order was passed in the Supreme Court of Canada.  The pain has subsided, but just like picking off the scab on a healing wound, the site is tender and the pain takes hold with just a simple email from him.  

I love my children more than I could ever fully explain, so for them I endure it.  The first opportunity I have to move as far away from this bitter, angry man, I will take it.  Why can’t he just leave me alone?  I don’t understand his motives, that’s obvious.  It will be such a joyous day when my boys can choose who they want to live with, without repercussion.  It will be in that moment when my spirit will be set free.

Many will say that this pain, this suffering is self imposed.  Perhaps that is true.  Show me the way to break free of his torture and I’ll do it!

Facebook: Friend or Foe?… April 30, 2008

Well, I’ve had a profile on Facebook for awhile now, and although I originally created a profile as a means of networking my Primerica Business, I’ve reconnected with childhood friends and school buddies from just about every level (primary, secondary, and post-secondary.)  I’ve added my first love–the first guy I ever ‘did it’ with, and new friends that I haven’t done it with….  Funny how one thing leads to another and before you know it, you’re completing quizzes on ‘What Sexual Position Are You?’ and sending goofy gifts and kisses through a multitude of different Apps.  I feel bad when I choose to ‘ignore’ certain invitations to install apps on my page, but seriously!  How many sex related apps do you need?…  So much for a semi-professional presence!  I sincerely doubt that anyone looking for information on Primerica who happens to stumble across my Facebook page, will take me all that seriously.  I must say a few of the dating type Apps have actually yielded a few prospects that have potential for ‘more-than-friends’ status.  It’s fun and harmless (relatively) as long as everyone plays fair, right?…  I did take some very sage advice and deleted my year of birth and hometown info which apparently can be used to set up false credit accounts in your name–that’s a scary thought!  So far so good.  See you in cyberland!

eHarmonious? March 24, 2008

Against my better judgement, I posted a profile on eHarmony.  Man, what a lot of hoops you have to jump through…  Does that mean this site will yield better results?  I’m not convinced yet.  Maybe I just have a bad attitude (broken heart syndrome?) but it always seems to go back to my previous post in this category, about my theory on single after 30.  What brought you here in the first place?  I was surprised at the number of matches, and the variety within those results.  The next leap of faith is paying the outrageous fee to be allowed to contact/communicate with any of the hopefuls.  I’ll let you know if I take the jump!

Prepping for travel… March 15, 2008

I received a call this AM from my Mom, to ask if I thought I could get my ex to sign a couple of passport applications.  Hmm, great question, but why would I do that?  Then, she drops the bomb–she’s taking the whole family on a Disney cruise through the Carribean!  Wow….I was originally going to keep the secret from the kids, but I’m thinking I may get some mileage out of using the trip in exchange for chores being completed, and good behaviour–not that my boys have ever been caught misbehaving  So, I guess I need to start thinking about how I’m going to get the ex to agree to this.  I’ll definitely wait until after the tax season–he’d look for any excuse to say ‘no’ and if it turns out he has to pay more in child support, he’s not going to be happy about hearing that we’re planning a trip abroad, regardless if it’s paid for out of my pocket or by someone else.  Guess I better start working out to fit into that little red bikini!  As if….  The boys are looking forward to all-you-can-eat buffet style dining, and truth be told, I’ll be right behind ‘em! LOL…   I’ve started researching the ports of call, to begin planning excursions.  It’s difficult to plan this far in advance, but I think swimming with dolphins ranks pretty high on the list so far.